


" go ahead, shoot me, with your bullet, bullet, bullet "

by irrecular



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Angst, Brotherhood, Character Death, Dominance, Eating Disorders, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, For a while at least, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Murder, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Relationship(s), Past Torture, Power Play, Referenced Eating disorder, Slow Burn, Smut, Swearing, Tags will be updated, Unrequited Love, Weapons, Work In Progress, it really isnt, not really introduced til later, the tags make it seem really dark, there's a lot of friendship surprisingly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-08-09 05:22:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16443698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrecular/pseuds/irrecular
Summary: "do you have anything to say to me?" taeyong asked, cocking his gun.ten smiled at him. "i told you from the start that you were an angel in disguise.""how can an angel look like a demon?" he paused"they same way you look like a bad person."





	1. " unavoidable "

“as much as i respect your authority, this isn’t the fucking time,” taeyong growled into the communicator, reloading his gun. he was pumping sweat, and came to the hasty realisation that he was running low on ammunition - and he had at least seven people to ‘get rid of’.

  


“it’s an important update - i’m required to update all recruits no matter the cirum-” taeyong ripped his communicator out of his ear, smashing it into the ground with his foot. heavy footsteps began to creep closer. two people. not too bad - he could handle that. while hiding behind a wall, an unknown wound seeping through his side, he prepared for the incoming people to turn the corner.

  


taeyong peered around the corner and raised his gun preparing to shoot. one shot - back of the head - reload. the thumping of feet came closer and as the incomer turned the corner taeyong elbowed him in the face. staggering, the attacker fell to the ground. he was shot twice. when he tried to fire a third time, only to find he was out, he cursed loudly. the gun was scattered away from him. five more people. he probably shouldn’t have crushed his communicator. more sweat was falling from his face - and with the wound in his side it was proving difficult to move subtly. most attempts at being quiet fell down the drain. he patted his jeans back pockets and sighed in relief.

  


god bless nokias.

  


shakily typing in the number, he smeared blood all over the phone, but ignored it and raised it to his ear. it rang a few times until a voice reached the other end. “welcome to 0 mile! we are glad to be of assistance! if you’d like to be redirected to our-”

  


“put yuta on the phone,” he demanded making the female on the receiving end sigh.

  


“so demanding, i assume we’ll need to buy a sixth earpiece for you? and you should refer to people with honorifics, it’s disrespectful.”

  


“does it fucking sound like now’s the time to be reprimanding me?” he began, shouting down the phone before instantly regretting it, remember the five people still in the complex, “krystal please, there’s five people still here and i’m out of ammo. i need you to put yuta on the line.”

  


there was silence for a few moments followed by shuffling. “taeyong, dongsaeng, how are you?” yuta yelled down the phone.

  


“would you shut it naka i’m four months younger than you. i need you for something. i’m at a complex and it’s gone wrong. 0 mile sent me here alone saying it’d be an easy job.”

  


“i’m assuming it’s not an easy job?”

  


“would i be calling you if it wasn’t?” taeyong retorted walking around slowly towards the stairwell. he could hear the footsteps of the remaining five going up. they had six floors to clear, but once they realised all of them were clear, he’d be in trouble.

  


yuta clicked his tongue. “i guess not. what do you need?”

  


“i’m on the seventh floor of the ardol apartments. i’d give you an address but i know you don’t need it. i’m out of ammo and five more lads are coming up the stairs - i can guess...the third floor.”

  


“and what do you expect me to do?”

  


“i’m expecting you to sort something out,” taeyong answered, hanging up on him.

  


each floor had three apartments on it - the ardol apartments being small but lavish. the third apartment was the furthest away so he knew it’d give him some more time - and yuta more time. people were coming up the stairs, and taeyong darted towards the third apartment. the bathroom was the first room inside the place, and taeyong decided to hide in there, locking the door behind him. he breathed shakily finally having a little time to calm down and collect his thoughts. there were still five men coming up the stairs after him - with guns and taeyong currently had none. but, yuta was (hopefully) finding some way to get him out of there. he had a small wound on his side, and lifting up his shirt he noticed that it wasn’t anything to worry about. things weren’t looking too bad.

  


except for the fact that if more than one man came into the bathroom, he would be completely and utterly fucked.

  


_ beep! _

  


**from; n.y**

_ on the way, there’s a ladder running down the window from apartment 2, floor 5. that’s the best i can do i’m afraid. i’m sure you can use your wit and charm to get that far xxx _

  


“fucking prick,” taeyong whispered, but believed him that there wasn’t much else he could do. curiosity pricked at how he knew about a ladder, but as much as yuta annoyed him, he trusted him. he was about to leave the bathroom, hand on the doorknob when he heard voices - two to be certain. 

  


“could we just blow the place up?” the first voice asked.

  


“don’t you think i’d like to? get rid of that 0 mile rat? yeah, it sounds lovely doesn’t it,” a deeper voice replied. the cocking of a gun was heard.

  


taeyong froze. those were two familiar voices. taehyung and yoongi.

  


leaders of the infamous ‘bullet gang’. taeyong mouthed a curse and took out the phone again. he checked the time briefly. 03:34

  


**to; n.y**

_ it’s not just any take out it’s the bullet gang. if i’m not out by 4am leave. _

  


the door to the apartment opened and taeyong held his breath. internally he was panicking but he tried to keep his cool. normally, he wouldn’t be concerned about who he was killing - but he was sent alone to take out one of korea’s most notorious gangs. if, (and it was a massive if) he got out alive, he’d be having strong words with his boss. he wasn’t meant to question anything his company did but he sure as hell would like an explanation to why he was sent alone.

  


“check the bedrooms,” the deeper voiced male commanded, and there was no reply other than the addressee walking away. when he heard the commanders footsteps fade away into the kitchen and living room area - taeyong tried his luck and opened the door as quietly as possible. and it worked, remarkably, and he snuck off out from the apartment leaving the leaders to investigate the empty apartment. the issue of the other three men was still at large, but at least they weren’t the leaders. 

  


he managed to get to the sixth floor before alarm bells started ringing. as he approached the stairwell to the fifth floor, he heard the other three men before he saw them. one coming up from the fifth floor and the other two on the sixth, trapping him, all with guns pointed to his head. the male approaching from the fifth floor spoke first. 

  


“well look here lads, we have a rat,” he spoke, and pulled taeyong by his shirt down to his knees. he only grunted in response. he was dragged down the stairs by the male, groaning when the stairs hit his numerous wounds. taeyong was splayed on the floor. 

  


“seokjin kim, where are your manners?” the leader taeyong knew as taehyung taunted. everyone else stayed silent, “didn't your parents teach you not to play with your food?”

  


“my apologies, sir,” seokjin stuttered, bowing down to his younger. taehyung came down the stairs, and hunched down to taeyong’s level. he grabbed his jaw and assessed him. leaning back, the leader punched him in the jaw, causing him to groan, but come back to kneeling and staring daggers into the leader. a small trail of blood trailed down his jaw. he spat it out onto taehyung’s clothes. he just simply chuckled. he grabbed his jaw again, firmer. “do you wanna die today boy?” he growled.

  


“respect your elders,” taeyong mumbled to taehyung warningly. taehyung smirked at him. “what are you going to do about it, rat?” he mumbled back, mockingly.

  


taeyong smiled shortly. “do you have the time by any chance,” he asked.

  


taehyung was confused - and let it show for a fraction of a second. he looked down at his watch, clearly costing thousands, and looked back up at him. “3:56,” he answered. taeyong scoffed, feeling blood dry on his tongue. he knew he was a dead man, yuta wouldn’t wait forever.

  


he felt hands worm their way into his hair and tugging backwards, taking his head with them. one hand went from his hair to his neck feeling around the expanse, tracing the faint line of a scar. “you still have that scar,” taehyung commented absentmindedly, tracing over it multiple times, making taeyong more and more uncomfortable.

  


“you not concerned that you’re stalling time on my execution? i know you’ve been planning it for months now.”

  


“if your company was so intent on keeping you safe, more people would have been with you. you were sent alone, i’m assuming 0 mile didn’t care much for what happened after that.”

  


two seconds passed of silence.

  


“maybe 0 mile doesn’t,” a different voice began, causing taehyung to look extremely confused as he stood up, “but i do,” the accented voice continued.

  


taeyong smirked to himself. god bless nokias and yuta. 

  


yuta was covered from them by a wall, but with how he managed to kill two of taehyung’s men, he had a clear view of them. taehyung, instead of shooting back, ran to cover yelling ‘retreat’ to his men, but not before returning to taeyong for a moment.

  


“god you’re a fucking bastard, you know that,” he shouted, shooting taeyong right in the shoulder. taeyong doubled over and landed on the floor, clutching his shoulder in agonizing pain. he cried out yuta’s name, who was trying to approach him while also shooting at seokjin, who hadn’t caught onto taehyung’s command. he eventually ran off, dropping his gun and disappearing with taehyung and whoever else was alive.

  


yuta was breathing heavily at this point, and taeyong was still crying out in pain. “hey, hey, hey, i’m here you’ll be alright,” he tried to sooth, getting taeyong to his feet.

  


“that doesn’t aid my concerns in any way yuta,” he spat out, any attempt of real venom falling short due to how shaky his voice was. yuta just laughed at him, and lead him down the stairs until the first floor. it took around fifteen minutes because of how much pain taeyong was in, but they got there eventually. 

  


“you have a car with you yeah?” taeyong asked, damp hair blocking his vision. he felt yuta nod beside him, and he sighed heavily. 

  


it seemed like seconds before he was practically shoved into the car, and having yuta climb in behind him. it took him a second before he realised that yuta hadn’t come alone, that he had a stranger with him. taeyong had his legs raised on yuta, and was lying down in the car seat. a towel had been placed under him to stop blood soaking through into the seats. he discarded all of that though, and sat up abruptly, hissing at the pain but largely ignoring it as he faced the driver.

  


“and who the fuck are you?” he asked angrily, pain evident in his voice, but also aggression.

  


the man looked back towards taeyong, a grin plastered on his face, and black hair falling down into his eyes. 

  


“chittaphon. but you can call me ten,” he replied cherrily, started the car and drove off.

  
  
  
  
  



	2. " unappealing "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i?? like?? this?? story?? lmao shout at me in the comments xo

he groaned loudly. "why the fuck would you stick your thumb in a fucking bullet wound!" taeyong yelled at yuta, who was wearing a smirk.

 

"checking to see if the bullet was still in there, i'm a good friend yong, good enough that i didn't leave you at the hands of taehyung. risked my life for you, i did."

 

“still makes you a sadist.”

 

taeyong rolled his eyes at his elder, squirming away from his touch and when yuta relented, he returned to laying down on the car seat. he was smart enough to know that they weren't far from their base. cobblestone roads and uncomfortable bumps were familiar to him, and the path to 0 mile was approaching. he glared at the driver again, trying to determine if he was someone from 0 mile, or if it was a stranger yuta had picked up along the way. both of which seemed unlikely. so was he a new recruit? taeyong shook his head to himself. couldn't be. 0 mile rarely recruited people - and people rarely went to them looking for jobs. the bullet gang was the one of preference to many people. and the guy's name, it wasn't korean. who had 0 mile picked up this time?

 

"your name. what is it?" he murmured out towards the driver. yuta glanced at him, but didn't say anything about it.

 

the driver laughed softly. "it's my name, what do you mean by that?"

 

taeyong sighed. "it's not korean, or chinese. if i know yuta well enough, if he found someone japanese he wouldn't stop talking to them. so i'm assuming you're not japanese. i can't speak much on other countries, that's why i'm asking," he replied quickly. it was clear he was irritated with the lack of a straight answer. he made eye contact with ten in the windscreen mirror, and the male smiled at him.

 

"you caught on quickly, smart. it's thai," ten replied softly, taking a right turn. five minutes until they reached 0 mile.

 

"so why do you also go by ten?" taeyong asked again flatly. he knew that he was being harsh to him, but that was his personality. although he knew that if he hadn't been attacked he'd be more polite. only slightly.

 

“generally speaking no one would use a thai person’s first name. ten is a nickname i got, so it’s the name i go by,” he explained. 

 

taeyong nodded in acknowledgement, not adding anything more to the conversation. 

 

they reached the base a few minutes later. ten braked abruptly causing taeyong to hit the back of the front seats. “sorry,” he muttered.

 

yuta got out of the car and the two of them opened the back doors in order to help taeyong out. 

 

“i can walk, you pricks,” he murmured. yet when yuta let go of him, he almost fell into the ground. ten went to his side and helped pick him up, while yuta just watched in what looked to be amusement.

 

“you’re very light,” ten remarked as yuta walked ahead, showing the new male to the complex. yuta obviously hadn’t heard the comment, taeyong knew that he’d be the first to poke fun at it.

 

“thanks,” taeyong replied coldly, clearly not wanting to continue the discussion. 

 

two members of 0 mile came out from the shabby looking apartment complex, one very familiar to taeyong - being his boss, and the other being a rare sight - the leader of 0 mile’s assassin department overall. both didn’t look happy to see taeyong.

 

“put me down,” he whispered to ten, and before he even got a chance to, taeyong wormed out of his grip.

 

“yuta, we’d like to have a word with you in private,” mr. ki, the assassin department overlooker commanded, making the japanese man follow in suit. 

 

“as for you taeyong, we need to have a word with you too,” taeyong’s boss, who’s name he had forgotten, said. taeyong scoffed.

 

“well? go ahead?” taeyong replied. his boss looked over at ten quickly before returning his eyes to taeyong. 

 

“in private.”

 

“fuck off. say it now.”

 

his boss contemplated it for a second. 

 

“i can imagine you’re...very angry about what happened. what with us sending you in alone and all. and the fact we sent you there without knowing who it was. for that i do apologise. but it was necessary.” taeyong cocked his eyebrow in annoyance. “your communicator had a tracker in it. and since you had history with the bullet gang before, we had an inkling that they wouldn’t kill you. perhaps torture you, but that’s a different scenario. we had a feeling that if they managed to capture you, they’d take you back to their base. we could track you, get rid of the bullet gang once and for all, and then bring you back. but because of that little stunt you and yuta pulled, that was a lost possibility.”

 

taeyong scoffed again.

 

“a lost possibility? they were going to fucking kill me either way. i’m shot in the shoulder for fuck’s sake. if it wasn’t for yuta - i’d be fucking dead. and you’d have lost one of your best. don’t fucking act as if you did this with good intentions. there’s something going on behind the scenes isn’t there? the fact you’d risk losing me to the enemy,” taeyong yelled, clutching his shoulder in pain. his boss was visibly shocked. there was no response from him, except for a, “go to the nurse.”

 

he groaned in annoyance, limping his way towards the front door where the nurse was on the left. 

 

“need some help?” ten asked, following him inside the apartment complex.

 

“leave me alone. go annoy yuta or something,” he mumbled not wanting ten to follow him - or worse yet - try and care about him. taeyong expected ten to dislike him by now, he hadn’t been nice to him at all. but ten still wore that same smile on his face.

 

“but yuta’s is being spoken to. and i don’t know anyone here,” he pouted. how in the hell did he become a recruit for an assassin agency?

 

“you’re not meant to know me. go make friends with 97 line. i’m sure jaehyun and sicheng would love someone new to play with,” he remarked, trying to shoo ten away as quickly as he could. ten paused for a moment before turning around and walking away. taeyong breathed a sigh of relief, and walked in to the nurse’s office.

 

he sat down in one of the chairs, exhaling heavily. 

 

“good morning to you too taeyong,” the nurse replied, walking over to him.

 

“morning seungwan,” he replied, covering his forehead with his hand. 

 

“how many times do i have to say it, call me wendy. there’s no need for formality here,” she replied, checking out his shoulder, and making sure the bullet had exited.

 

taeyong hummed. “i think krystal would disagree with you on that one. she’s getting sick of my ‘bad attitude’,” he responded, gasping in pain when she started cleaning up his wound.

 

“krystal would disagree with me on anything. i don’t know what her problem is,” she retorted, stitching up taeyong’s wound a bit too roughly for his liking.

 

“i don’t know and i don’t particularly care. stop being so rough with my skin, please,” he said condescendly. 

 

“you’re a prick, you know that? no matter how nice someone is, you always manage to be a dick to them. it’s practically a talent,” wendy mumbled under her breath, but clearly wanted taeyong to hear. 

 

“never said i was a nice person. everyone here has been around me long enough to know that i don’t want to care. i’d like it if those feelings were reciprocated. i never tried to be appealing.”

 

wendy went silent for a few minutes as she finished off taeyong’s wound. either she didn’t want to answer or she didn’t hear him - the former was most likely. taeyong was notorious for being a dick to everyone. if he wasn’t so good at what he did, he knew he’d be kicked out. 

 

when he stood up to leave, he limped out the door when wendy’s voice stopped him. “get some rest, alright?” she asked, and taeyong nodded in reply. when he tried to leave, wendy stopped him again. “get something to eat as well.”

 

taeyong left, and instead of finding yuta and finding out what he was told, he went to his room and fell into bed, groaning at the pain but feeling relieved that he was in bed. he took off his shirt, letting the wounds breathe, and tried to go to sleep ignoring the buzz of hunger under his skin - and the irritation of the wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i?? like?? this?? story?? lmao shout at me in the comments xo


	3. " trepidation "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha !! guess who wrote an ending to this instead of this chapter because im a piece of shIT and can't write in a linear timeline

one would expect the new recruit to be nervous, especially when meeting older members of the institution. but that was not the case with ten, taeyong found. because even while he was laying in bed, clock reading 7:08am, the laughing from ten, jaehyun, sicheng and yuta was a clear sign of this. yuta, who hadn't come to speak to taeyong at all. the twinge of annoyance wound its way around taeyongs mind as tens laughter grew louder. how did he befriend them all so quickly?

 

it occurred to him that he hadn't slept at all. from when he was brought back to 0 mile and the present moment, he hadn't reached sleep. taeyong chopped it down to the pain in his shoulder, not the ever present symptoms of insomnia (which wendy had been begging him to consider). it was a reasonable time of day, he may as well get up and ready. as he did, he ignored the pains he felt everywhere, and while glancing at himself in the mirror, ignored the bruises littering his body. it wasn't worth thinking about. normally, he'd just walk around without a shirt, but he didn't need yutas eyes on him. 

 

if taeyong was friends with anyone, it was yuta. originally from japan, upon his arrival at 0 mile, his lack of understanding of taeyong's rudeness made it easy for yuta to cling onto him. "a common trend with foreign recruits," he thought absentmindedly. even with how nasty taeyong would treat yuta on occasion, he was grateful to have the (slightly) older male around. it at least meant he had someone to rely on if things became desperate - which rarely happened but that's besides the point.

 

he glanced at himself in the mirror again, sized-small t-shirt covering his torso entirely. the baby-pink of his hair was fading again. he'd have to dye it again. yuta had asked about the hair once.

 

"would it not be dangerous to have such bright hair? people can identify you?" 

 

"not if i continually dye it," he blankly explained. he ended the conversation.

 

he found himself drifting off, only realising at 7:19. a reasonable time to be away, he mused. the laughter from outside had died down, much to taeyongs pleasure.

 

he walked out to get a drink, his initial plan to go outside and waste time until he was able to go out and work again. unfortunately, he was expected to be out for at least a week, much to his despair. he didn't even need wendy to tell him the damage. but lo and behold, yuta and ten were lurking around the area, almost as if they were waiting for him.

 

"good morning tae," yuta mumbled to him absentmindedly as if thinking about something else. taeyong merely hummed in reply. surprisingly enough, ten didn't say anything to him, and taeyong was glad.

 

"i'm going out today, staking out somewhere where we think might be bullet's hideout. if something goes wrong can i count on you?" yuta asked taeyong. he looked at him for a moment, nodding slightly. yuta glanced at ten, before leaving the room in silence. even taeyong was on edge at this point - things were unusually quiet. jaehyun and sicheng were gone as well, and so was yuta. he tried to ignore the irritation of the entire bullet gang situation. especially how he had been forced out of the job.

 

ten was sitting on a chair by a table, not looking anywhere in particular, but certainly not looking at taeyong. there was silence for a few minutes, taeyong making himself a cup of coffee to wake himself up, even though he hadn't slept.

 

"did we wake you?" ten asked, voice hard to hear over the whistle of the kettle. it seemed soft, quieter than usual.

 

"no."

 

"oh. right. how come you're up this early though? you only got back 3 hours ago," he continued. taeyong breathed in heavily, almost like a sigh.

 

"i didn't sleep."

 

"oh."

 

and the conversation stopped. it was weird, taeyong was finding how ten was acting weird. of course, curiosity wanted to know if anything had happened - but he didn't know if he could be bothered asking about it. conversations were a two way street, and taeyong liked the lone road. he avoided conversations when he could. luckily enough, few people wanted to partake in them with him.

 

but curiosity is a bitch.

 

"i heard you made friends with jaehyun and sicheng," taeyong remarked, only understanding how creepy it sounded coming out of his mouth. he just poured his coffee. he didn't think twice. 

 

"they're nice. i don't know if i'd call them friends but they seemed to enjoy my company. they made conversation at least," he replied. there was a hint of accusation in his tone, but taeyong knew he was overthinking. he had a tendency to psychoanalyze every situation he was in. he just hummed.

 

"nicer than me i suppose," taeyong spoke, more so directed at himself but he knew that ten would be able to hear him. wow, he'd really exerted himself on this one. 

 

ten chuckled lightly. "they're talkative. that's one difference. you haven't been nice to me but you don't seem to be nice to anyone. yuta's a lucky man, he seems to get a lot more out of you than most. i'm trying to figure out why that is but i'm at a loss."

 

now that made taeyong pause for a moment. any longer and ten would have noticed. his stiffness was brought on by anxiety. at least yuta hadn't mentioned anything to him yet.

 

"everything has a reason. in due time we all find out what we want to know."

 

there was an unspoken expectancy for taeyong to continue. 

 

"i don't mean to be as cold to everyone as i am. it's easier than forming relationships. especially in this business, it'd be a burden to be attached to a lot of people. by being a dick, it makes people want to disassociate from me."

 

"but not yuta. he's different, isn't he?" ten perked up, clearly gaining some confidence.

 

taeyong glared at him. what was he trying to achieve?

 

"i think we're done with this conversation, don't you? you exhaust me by existing," he grumbled, walking towards the exit door.

 

ten muttered something, but taeyong recognised it as not being korean. he knew it was english, but he wasn’t able to translate it. the only word he registered was ‘you’.

 

as he walked outside, glad that ten wasn’t following him, he intended on finding yuta. despite knowing he hadn’t said anything to ten, taeyong wanted to make sure. they had at least four hours together, he’d like to know what yuta could have possibly told him. and of course, yuta being yuta, he wasn’t that far away. he was lurking around the front of the 0 mile company building. it surprised taeyong, however, that sicheng wasn’t with him. it surprised him that yuta was alone in general - everyone seemed to love him. as if on instinct, yuta looked towards him as he walked over, flashing a genuine smile. 

 

“come to interrogate me?” he laughed, a smile adorning his face. taeyong huffed humorlessly.

 

“the rookie is asking about you and i,” he started, not looking directly at yuta, “did you mention anything to him?” yuta stared at him for a moment before breaking the brief eye contact.

 

“i wouldn’t do that to you, but i think you already know that,” yuta replied, taking out a packet of cigarettes. he offered one to taeyong, who graciously accepted. 

 

taeyong always had a lighter handy. the only reason this became habit was because yuta never had one, despite how much of a smoker he was. so taeyong lit both their cigarettes.

 

“of course i know that. i’m just-”

 

“paranoid?”

 

“what did i say about interrupting me halfway through a sentence?” taeyong mumbled, annoyance evident. yuta, once again, just laughed at him.

 

“i’m guessing he caught onto the fact that you don’t despise me,” he exhaled a puff of smoke.

 

“‘he’s different, isn’t he,’ were his exact words.”

 

they stood in silence (save for their exhales of smoke), silence which would be uncomfortable for anyone else other than them.

 

“you want to tell him,” taeyong remarked towards yuta, not even looking at him. his eyes were planted to the ground. he threw the cigarette on the ground, putting it out with his shoe. 

 

yuta sighed, and did the same with his cigarette. “it isn’t my place to,” was the only thing he said before walking off, finding jaehyun and latching onto him. taeyong was fine being a recluse and generally being disliked but there was a feeling close to envy that he felt towards yuta. to how he was almost instantly liked. how people wanted to be around him, willingly. but at the same time, he didn’t want to exert himself anymore than he already had. not only had he had one conversation with someone he didn’t want to - he had two. 

 

he was standing next to a wall, and in a gesture of laziness and tiredness, he slouched down against it. 

 

he didn’t exactly expect to fall asleep against it, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. exhaustion clearly took over, not even the stabbing pain in his shoulder or bruises (which the stone wall was digging into) woke him up. 

 

taeyong never had dreams. from when he was a child, his parents would always ask him what he had dreamt about, and his answers of nothing would unnerve them to say the least. he never thought about love, or fortunes, or wishes for anything. nothing would find their way into his unconscious mind. it was something he came to accept. 

 

the one thing he found hard to accept was that, while he never had dreams, he always had nightmares. against the stone wall, the indenting of the sharp rocks again his bruises made him gasp in pain, and he began stirring in his, albeit, uncomfortable rest. he’d never wake up screaming, or make much of a scene, but he’d always look visibly shaken. 

 

“tae, tae,” he heard faintly. not being able to decipher reality from nightmare was distressing him even more. the only thing he could envision was taehyung’s voice, pistol pointed at his head. before he pulled the trigger, taehyung rubbed his hand over taeyongs neck, with a shrilling bang! accompanying. 

 

he sat up instantly, panting heavily. his shirt was heavy and damp with sweat, as was his face. until he realised the moisture running down his cheeks was more likely to be tears than sweat. he was breathing heavily, trying to calm himself down for a few seconds before registering that someone else was with him, petting his wet-from-sweat hair in a gesture of care. in a state of panic, he shook them off violently, crawling a few meters away.

 

“hey, hey, here look at me, okay?” he heard a gentle voice say. his mind was still rattled, everything sounded warbled, like he was underwater. this in turn made it even more difficult for him to calm down - coupled with the fact it was dark, and that he didn’t know who was talking to him. he felt the person petting his hair again, but this time he didn’t startle away. he was just breathing heavily and shakily. 

 

“i-i-i don’t have anything, anyone you wa-want. not again...not again…” he mumbled, whimpering at the end of the stutter. usually nightmares like those would strike in the early hours of the morning so he’d know how to deal with them. they never occurred with someone else in the picture. the hand continued to pet him.

 

“you’re alright, do you know who i am yet?” the voice asked again, sounding clearer but still distant. taeyong shook his head, hair falling over his eyes which were planted shut. a logical part of his brain knew that it wasn’t taehyung speaking to him. that the bullet gang would never attempt to ambush him at 0 mile. but the emotional side of him, currently overcome with paranoia said it was more than likely. 

 

“can you breathe for me,” they asked.

 

“i know how, how to fucking breathe,” taeyong retorted, any conviction in his voice lost with how much he was shaking and how wet his face was with crying. 

 

the person with him chuckled a bit, “that sounds more like you. but please, just breathe deeply, alright? it’ll help, i swear,” he urged. with his eyes closed, taeyong tried his best to follow the instructions. with each exhale, his breath was more even, and the warbled environment became clearer. 

 

taeyong opened his eyes, feeling a lot more calm than previously. he didn’t look at the person who was still with him. part of him didn’t want to. and a smaller part of him had an inkling of who it was. 

 

that small part of him was mistaken. because when the person helped him to stand up, he could tell that he was slightly shorter than yuta (the only person he could see attempting to help him). he didn’t question it however, just quietly grateful that he wasn’t left to his own devices to deal with his emotions. 

 

there was one lonesome streetlamp near the 0 mile building. taeyong was half carried, half dragged towards it. 

 

“can you walk?” the person asked, and taeyong didn’t even need to look at him to guess who it was. even only a day of knowing him, the accent was a dead giveaway. 

 

“we’re not discussing this ever again,” he told ten coldly, refusing to make eye contact with the thai boy. he saw his cock his head to the side out of the corner of his eye, both of which were firmly planted to the ground.

 

“no ‘thank you’?” ten asked, but there didn’t seem to be any animosity because of it. it seemed like he knew he wasn’t going to be thanked. in fact, if taeyong decided to look up, he would have seen a soft smile on his face.

 

taeyong pressed the heel of his hand to his temple - trying to sooth a building headache. 

 

“we’ll keep this between us,” he whispered to ten, turning abruptly to the company building, ignoring yutas silhouette in the window of his bedroom.

 

to ten, that was better than any thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha !! guess who wrote an ending to this instead of this chapter because im a piece of shIT and can't write in a linear timeline


	4. " discarded "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is BAD and SHORT i apologise i just had to write a chapter considering its been 4 months xo

if ten was following taeyong, taeyong refused to take notice of it. he was more concerned with why yuta was lurking in his room in (what seemed to be) the middle of the night. yuta was usually one to respect taeyongs asocial behaviour. however, taryong wasn't complaining, he tolerated yuta enough to not particularly care if he was in his room. it was just strange. he tried to force himself to stop overthinking things, tried being the key word. the applied his thoughts to how he could hear tens careful footsteps behind him. he was far enough to avoid invading on taeyongs comfort zone, but clear enough to get his attention. once again, he tried to remove his attention from that - but he didn't have a third thing to focus on.

 

as taeyong returned back into his room, ten was nowhere to be seen. taeyong assumed that he’d found someone else to pester. he found it easy to ignore his existence with his existence being out of sight. before he turned around and closed his door, he noticed yuta was sitting cross-legged on his bed, hands by his sides. he gave taeyong a slight smile. ‘not his usual smile’ taeyong thought. he seemed absent. but he assumed he was overthinking again. taeyong also sat on the bed, so close that their hands almost touched - even despite all the empty room on the bed. “i was beginning to get worried, i’ve been waiting for you for a few hours now. worried you were murdered or something,” yuta mumbled, thick accent around the words. there were alarm bells ringing in taeyongs head at this point, that yuta had been waiting for hours. even for yuta, with all his quirks, this was out of character.

 

yuta looked up at him, scanning the younger. a frown adorned his face momentarily. “you were crying?” it came out as a question, but taeyong could tell his japanese counterpart realised the truth in his statement. 

 

“slept wrong,” was the only response he gave. there was an unspoken question as to why yuta had been lurking around waiting for taeyong. he didn’t want to press him however. yuta had stopped looking at him. there was silence for a few minutes - perhaps five - taeyong wasn’t exactly counting. 

 

“how was your run?” taeyong asked, breaking the silence after even more consecutive minutes. yuta scoffed, running his hands through his hair. 

blood on his hands.

blood in his hair. 

taeyong, even being as cold and anti-social as he possibly could, was able to tell that something was up. yuta was never like this, quiet and reserved. it put him on edge to say the least.

 

“bad,” came yutas response, and his voice cracked along with it. now, that really worried taeyong, because at the end of it all, he was a human and yuta was practically his friend. he expected yuta to elaborate.

 

“me, sicheng and minseok went to that place we had to scout. and it was fine, it was all fine for a while until-” he cut himself off, taking a deep breath. taeyong had never seen him this upset, he’d never even seen him get angry beforehand. “just like with you, the company lied - said there was no one there. well there fucking was. that prick - seokjin, taehyungs puppet - was there. like he was fucking waiting for us. killed minseok instantly, sniper right to the head. they-they took sicheng, and i had to leave,” yuta began, clearly becoming agitated at the retelling of the story, “he called for the rest of them, and-and i just about got away when the other six arrived. i came back here, and in-instead of them helping out, sending back up, anything, anything - they…” he trailed off.

 

“they blamed it all on me.”

 

taeyong stilled on the bed.

 

“and i have ten hours before i have to be out of 0 mile. otherwise they’ll kill me themselves,” yuta mumbled the last part out, practically sobbing throughout everything else he was saying. he had his head in his hands at that point. taeyong could only stay silent as yuta cried softly on his bed. 

 

taeyong wasn’t the best with feelings, and making people feel better. he was a recluse, and had his own issues to deal with. he was cold, unapproachable, no one wanted to be around him. but he had know yuta for years. and to leave him alone in his own bedroom crying and upset was something that he couldn’t bring himself to do. even despite the anxiety screaming in his ears. because the urge to walk away and let yuta deal with this himself (which is what taeyong always did himself) was overruled by the urge to take care of him. he had tried to repress their past together - but it was unfair for him to do that, especially now.

 

and against his perceived characterisation, taeyong gently pushed yuta back down on the bed, crawling over him and straddling him gently.

 

“you don’t need to-”

“i’m not going to. i just,” taeyong started, not certain about what he was trying to say. any thoughts he did have were interrupted by yuta carefully holding him, as if afraid he would break in his hold. he had stopped crying, but the sadness and fear was evident on his face, even more so as japanese man buried his head into taeyongs shoulder.

“i don’t want to go, i have nowhere to go,” he whispered into taeyongs neck.

“what about your sister, does she still live in osaka?”

“i haven’t been in contact with her since i left.”

“try,” taeyong murmured, running his hands through yutas hair, “try for me. it’ll put me at ease to know you’re with her rather than just wandering around korea.”

yuta just grumbled in response, tightening his grip on the korean man. 

“you’ve gotten lighter,” yuta commended aimlessly to which taeyong grimaced. 

“hard work, killing people and all,” he replied. yuta frowned, and sighed.

“have you eaten?” yuta continued.

“yuta, you’ve got more things to worry about that if i’ve eaten.” that shut him up, momentarily at least. 

“this is out of character for you, if anyone comes in they’d think we’d be close,” he commented, stroking taeyongs back. a scoff was the response.

“with your big mouth i wouldn’t be surprised if they all knew anyways.”

“you know i wouldn’t. i wouldn’t do that to us.”

taeyong hummed, settling himself on yutas lap. yuta, who was sitting upright. ten minutes passed of friendly silence, taeyong softly breathing into yutas neck, and yuta stroking the korean.

“there isn’t an ‘us’ anymore,” taeyong uttered into his neck, breath uneven. for all his coldness, the memories of yuta and him hurt. 

it was clear from how yutas breath stuttered, and how he inhaled that a nerve had been hit. and as much as it was malicious to say, it satisfied taeyong to reflect his hurt onto yuta.

“i’m sorry,” yuta murmured, clear that he was crying again - and if his tone wasn’t evident enough, the way he tightened his hold was. as was how he stroked the protruded bones of taeyongs shoulders. and how he breathed shallowly by his neck.

silence filled the room, and before anyone knew it, taeyong had fallen asleep in the arms of someone who would never be named again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on twitter to be friends yeh?  
>  heRe 

**Author's Note:**

> okay this is really really really bad i had this idea for months but i never actually made a coherant chapter but here you go i guess? leave comments and kudos please because i like criticism AND im a whore so xoxox


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